2 Jokes

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected a quart of milk, a carton of eggs, juice, and a package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyer belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her, watched as she placed her items in front of the cashier. He said "You must be single." The woman, a bit startled but intrigued, she looked at her four items on the belt, and seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections, said "Well, y'know, that's right, but how on earth did you know that?" The drunk said, "Cause you're uglier 'n shit."

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be." The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone. The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone. The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says.... "No sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline' was laid by 1,900 men in 6 months.