2 cups of plain flour
2 large eggs
1 cup of butter
1 cup of brown sugar
1 cup of mixed nuts
1 cup of dried fruit
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tbs lemon juice
1 bottle of Vodka*
* I've used Vodka for this, but any of your favourite spirits will make this cake delicious
Method:
Sample the vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl and check the vodka again.
To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK.
Try another cup . . . just in case
Turn off the mixerer.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuckin the cup of dried fruit.
Pick fruit off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver
Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a shit.
Check the vodka and arrange the flour.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add 1 table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven and piss in the fridge.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and beat your chest with a wooden spoon.
Fall into bed.
CHERRY MISTMAS!
