"I’m not very good at driving and confused the accelerator with the brake.
"A builder popped out of a manhole cover and I swerved dramatically to avoid decapitating him.
"An incompetent mechanic drove my car off a raised ramp while looking for the bonnet release.
"I got so excited singing the national anthem during a football match that I smashed my van into a traffic light.
"A mad cyclist purposefully scratched my vehicle with his thermos flask.
"The road just looked different yesterday.
"It’s the police’s fault – I crashed into a lamp-post as I made way for a patrol car.
"I was carefully observing a rare bird nesting and missed the road ahead.
"Vehicle damaged on safari park outing by George, an amorous rhino.
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Travelled by bus?
This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:
Q - What warning was given by you?
A - Horn.
Q - What warning was given by the other party?
A - Moo.
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend in the passenger seat reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight."
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature?
A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.
"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."
"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face."
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."
"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before, making me unable to avoid the accident."
"I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull."
"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
"I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."
"I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before hit him."
"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."
