MEMORANDUM
Friday, November 15, 2001 @ 8:17am
FM: Bin Laden, Osama
TO: All Cavemates
RE: The Cave
Gentleman and Fellow Cavemates,
We've all be putting in long hours lately but we've really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no 'I' in 'team'" as well as the one that says "Hang in there baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. Frankly, I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. You don't want to be stung and neither do I so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet at the main cave opening. We'll start with Daroosh.
Second, it's not often I make a video address, but when I do I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're taping please don't ride your razor scooters in the background and hold-off throwing any frisbees. I was at a really scary part in my taping yesterday and I was hit with a frisbee. We all had a good laugh and goat milk came out of Muhamar's nose, but seriously, it is important to refrain from this activity while we're taping, Ok?. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together and this cave is not that big.
Fourth, food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently and clearly wrote "Osama" in large letters on the front and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. Come now guys, consideration, that's all I'm saying. If they are returned to me there will be no questions asked. Thanks.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to immediately set up patrols to look for them. The first patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar and Ted. Pray to Allah they keep their eyes open.
Thank you and I love you all like a brother. Well...most of you actually are my brothers, but I think you get the idea.
Osama.
PS. One last thing, let's keep the smoking outside the cave. Kaleem is trying to fight a wicked chest cold and we should all be considerate.
Thnx,
ObL
